


roommate

by b0x



Category: South Park
Genre: AU, Arguing, Falling In Love, M/M, My First AO3 Post
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-29
Updated: 2016-10-20
Packaged: 2018-08-18 13:05:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 10,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8163005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/b0x/pseuds/b0x
Summary: Eric needs money and a roommate. Kyle needs the same, except he actually has a job.Thing is they can't stand each other.Good thing they both have an online friend to vent to, who happens to have an annoying roommate as well.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, I found a prompt on tumblr involving roommates and online dating and as I wrote for it, it turned into a sort of double AU. Basically, in this universe, Kyle was concieved and born in New Jersey and never moved to South Park. Cartman, Stan and Kenny still grew as friends and Butters sort of became that fourth friend. There are lots of little things that changed without Kyle around: Cartman is simply called Eric because I like to think Kyle is the one who started the Cartman thing, a lot of adventures in the canon that involved Jews or bets between Kyle and Cartman never happened, etc.  
> In this AU, all the kids are about college/ young adult age and honestly, I came up with stories for how they all ended up where they are. Of course, it's difficult to describe it all so if you have questions about characters and how their life played out, feel free to ask! Especially for Stan... I thought about his character but he's not a big part of the fic >->  
> Also, Eric has more regard for people like his mom because he's older and (a bit) mature.

Footsteps belonging to someone with a heavy tread paced the shaggy carpet floor. There’d be a creak from the old wood underneath the weight of feet every now and then when the pair paused. There was a sigh.  


“I don’t really have the money for that, though. I told you already.” A male voice spoke into his cell phone, there was a hint of frustration.  


“I don't know what you want _me_ to do about that, Eric.” Someone on the other side of the line said. This voice was high for a male of his age, almost innocent sounding. “I’m no wealthier than you are and I’m living just fine in a house.”  


Eric sat on his bed, running his fingers through his messy, brown hair. The bedsprings groaned under his mass. He’d always been overweight simply because he ate a lot, but he was never lazy- at least, most of the time.

“Well, sorry I don’t have a ‘life partner’ to help support me, dick.” He sounded somewhat jealous. Half-way through high school, Kenny outed himself as pan and eventually got the guts to ask Butters out. Of course, the latter’s parents would never even think to allow this- homophobic as they were- so the two dated secretly. Butters purposefully applied for a college out of state and Kenny, who dropped out of high school in his junior year to start earning money and didn’t go to college for lack of, followed. Now that Butters was finished with college, they lived together in a small starter home; Butters worked in medical and Kenny in retail. 

Eric, on the other hand, had life play out differently for him. Through high school, no one in South Park would hire him for his reputation of causing trouble and if they did, he was never able to hold the job for long due to whatever problems occurred in the atypical town. Somehow, anything bizarre that occurred always involved him. When college application time began for seniors, he had nowhere near enough to be paying for tuition. Ultimately, Eric ended up living with his mom. 

Part of him had always felt bad for being a grown man, still relying on his mom to do things for him all because he was a prick and delinquent growing up. For the past few weeks, he’d been trying to find his own place and job- at least then he could try to prove he could help himself. 

“Then maybe you should get one.” Kenny joked over the phone, knowing a love life was the last thing his friend needed at the moment, “Why can’t you just stick it out living at your mom's until you get a job?”

“Because, _Kenny_ , I can’t mooch off my mom my whole damn life!” He laid on the bed, staring up at his ceiling- purple in color for as long as he could remember. “I need a job and money and I want it to happen soon. I feel… bad, dude.” His irked tone of voice softened, “I know my mom worries about me and she really wishes I could support myself. I mean, she’s happy to help me out, but I know she doesn’t want me ending up like her.”

This was true. He’d been a horrible kid to his mother, and felt he was continuing to be one; she had trouble supporting them then, and now would make no difference. From the other end of the phone, Kenny bit his bottom lip in thought.

“You should move.” He said in a frank tone.

“What?” Eric sat up, genuinely not understanding what he was talking about.

“Move. Move out of South Park. No one will hire you there, so go somewhere where living is cheap and you don’t have a reputation- if that’s at all possible. Hell, find a roommate too, if you really need extra rent help. Butters and I did it, sort of, and we’ve been okay. If you so insist on it, then fucking do it man.”

Eric thought about this proposal, knowing it wasn’t the worst idea Kenny’s given him. “I’ll think about it.”

“Okay. Bye, Eric.”

“Bye.”

Eric tapped the End Call button on his phone and set it beside him. Maybe he _should_ move, get a job out of town, find a roommate. If he wanted this, really wanted this, he was willing to do whatever. Of course, he’d have to talk it over with his mom, maybe get some extra cash to start off; not to mention actually finding a place to go, job to work at and roommate who will actually take him. 

He didn’t want to think about it now. He looked over at an old alarm clock he’d owned for years. It’s blocky red numbers read 2:37 pm, but Eric was already wanting to go to bed. He sighed and put his head to his bed pillow, letting himself think about his situation and eventually falling asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"I’m single so you don’t need to worry about me bringing a girl home to bang."_

“Things have been good up here. How’s Ike and dad been?” A mother watched as her son smiled through the computer screen. It’d been a few days since their last video talk but, it felt like ages. She missed him more than any mom could miss her son. 

“They’ve been just fine, Kyle. We all miss you, bubby. How’s that roommate thing been going for you?”

Kyle sighed, looking at his mother through his laptop screen, “I don’t know, ma. I’ve been getting some people interested in the apartment, but they’re all…” He shrugged, not knowing what to say about it. Kyle was a person of solitude. He liked having his own time, but with the money he made he wasn’t going to be able to afford paying for the apartment on his own. He made enough to pay for the apartment alone, but with the added expenses of taking the transit or a cab to work everyday and basic needs, it made it difficult to balance his budget. He would move closer to his work and walk, but finding an apartment in a city was difficult, he’d been lucky to land this one.

“Oh, don’t be so picky, Kyle!” His mom almost scowled, “You’re a nice person. People like you. You’re lucky, living in a city with a job like yours, so don’t complain, okay?”

Kyle let out a laughing sigh. His mom had always been an encouraging person, “I’m only tech support. Nothing special.”

Since graduation, Kyle had worked as a tech support for an electronics company in hopes of gaining experience and skills to put down on an application. He really wanted to become a software engineer. Coding was fun.

“Nonsense. Think of all those people out there who can’t even figure out what browser settings are. You’re a lifesaver to those who aren’t knowledgeable about that computer-y stuff you do.”

“Thanks.”

“Of course. Now, I gotta go. It’s getting late. Love you, Kyle. Make sure you do that apartment thing, alright? I don’t want you to be struggling just to pay rent. You’ll find someone willing to put up with you.” She laughed.

Kyle rolled his eyes, grinning, “Sure thing, ma. Love you too. Night.” He waited until his mom closed out the call before he did and then opened up his internet browser to a familiar site under his most recent tabs option. He’d signed himself up for one of those “find a roommate” websites a while ago and would browse the list of people looking for places to live now and then. He narrowed the search to people living in the state and began scrolling through the names.

It was always surprising to see how many people wanted roommates, Kyle thought. Somehow, the thought of living with a stranger was comedic, like something you’d see on television shows like The Big Bang Theory. He hoped that it was just an exaggeration and living with a roommate would be nothing like that. He wasn’t entirely sure he’d ever be living happily in that situation. 

He clicked on a few profiles here and there, skimming their requirements- labelling them as no or maybe. There was always one thing Kyle found in the roommate suitor he didn't like- out of his own pickiness one would suppose. The young man didn’t want smokers or drinkers, would rather not have a female to live with (for the sake of avoiding awkwardness) and many other small, unnecessary things which he couldn’t really control.

There was a shift in his position on the couch- which was worn and used- into something more comfortable. Kyle sat with his back to an armrest and his legs lying straight on the couch, laptop resting in his lap. The time was 9:23 in the corner of his screen and, being the night owl he was, figured he could stay up longer. He opened up a profile which read:

_Eric Cartman_

_Seeking: Male_  
Between ages: 18-50  
Who: Has a place available  
Within: Any range  
Of: South Park, Colorado 

_About:  
I’m 24. I’m single so you don’t need to worry about me bringing a girl home to bang._

Brief, thought Kyle, and a little blunt. That was okay. A talk to draw out more information about this guy was going to be needed if he wanted to consider him; most people’s profiles had a little more important information than that. He bookmarked the page and shut his laptop. It’d been less than five minutes since he last checked the time, but things seem to drag on slowly now that he had nothing to do. Tomorrow was an off day, too, which meant an entire day of doing nothing productive.

Kyle reached for the remote, which sat on the coffee table in front of him, and turned the TV on to the News channel. These days he never really watched the News, his opinion of what they talked about had dropped- all he thought of it was celebrity gossip and internet fads. However, as far as shows went, Kyle wasn’t really invested in them. He could never find the time to catch up on a series or even start one; it’s not like he had Netflix or anything either. So, the News it was. 

“... that studies show a majority of married couples in today’s society say they met and or dated online. Some believe this is because it is easier to think of what to say than in public. In other news, celebrity Rob Schneider is to star in a new film as a stapler… again! This comedy movie is sure to...” 

Internet fads and celebrities. Kyle sighed because he didn’t even need the proof to know he was right. He once considered trying online dating, but didn’t entirely like the concept of digital interaction. He wasn’t against it, though, and if he’d ever met someone online he would be glad. Maybe he’d try it, but not tonight. Despite it being an early turn in for him, Kyle drifted off on his couch, leaving the TV on and his laptop sitting by his knees.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place maybe... a day or two after Kenny and Eric's talk.  
> I like to imagine Kyle is really into tech and wants to be a software engineer.  
> But it's a hard job to get so currently he's working at something similar to Geek Squad at Best Buy :')  
> Also, he's in Denver, Colorado because his dad encouraged him to attend the same college as he did in hopes his son would become a lawyer like him, I guess and Kyle ended up staying for work and not wanting to be a lawyer ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"Who did something stupid like leave a tiny bit of milk in the milk gallon just so someone else had to throw it away."_

The day was cold, cloudy and filled with classic city sounds- cars honking, people bustling down sidewalks. Eric paused by the outside of a bricked apartment building, squished between two larger buildings of the same material. He pulled his phone from his pocket and pulled up the roommate website, opening a chat he recently had. Less than a few days ago, someone- a guy named Kyle- messaged him, interested in being his roommate. Eric looked over the chat to make sure it was the right address. It was. He continued reading the following messages:

_Kyle: The building is kind of old and made of bricks, so it shouldn’t bee too hard to find._

_Eric: Okay._

_Kyle: I’ll just wait outside for you so I can guide you through the building. Does 1pm sound okay to you?_

_Eric: That’s fine._

The current time was 1:24. He’d been late, and so had Kyle, apparently. No one was there. Eric wasn’t the most patient person, but he figured he could wait a few minutes. He messaged to Kyle that he was waiting and closed out of the website. He swiped through the a page or two of apps and opened up Instagram.

Now, Eric wasn’t really a social media person, but his friend Stan had always encouraged him to get one and put his photographs on it. It was a hobby of Eric’s, to take photos, despite not having the best cameras. After needless begging from Stan- who felt his friend’s pictures would gain acclaim- Eric gave in and made a profile. Since making his account about a year ago, he’d grown pretty popular among people who appreciate photography, which was the only reason he’d kept the app.

His most recent picture was taken on the way to the apartment building, simply of a skyscraper disappearing into the cloudy sky from his angle. Many people had commented generic things such as ‘looks awesome!’ and ‘great!’ He only replied to one, which was Stan.

_**stan_marsh** @etc.pics Dude, what are you doing in the city?_

_**etc.pics** @stan.marsh whatever i want brah got a problem :9_

Eric opened his DM’s and tapped on the first one, reading through the messages with a slight smile on his face. It’d only been about a week, but he’d been chatting with a fan of his photography who’d been too nervous- according to them- to comment publicly on his photos. There were only about three conversations between them thus far, all good. This person seemed pretty nice.

_**kyleyb** Hey! I just wanted to say your photos are great. I would have commented on a post, but I wanted to say so for all of them. I’m kind of too nervous to comment publicly on anything anyway. Also, I like your name- The Coon._

_**etc.pics** i would say the same, ‘Kyley-B’ also, thanks dude! dont worry about it._

_**kyleyb** It’s a nickname. I’d rather not put all my personal stuff on my account, reason why I don’t have any selfies either, haha._

_**etc.pics** the coon is more or less a nickname too from when i was a kid. and same here, i only use my account for photography._

It went on like this, the two finding things to relate about. Soon enough, they were acquaintances- and under a week which was surprising. Of course, they never learned names, only referring to each other as “Coon” and “Kyley” when the situation called for a name. Eric typed a message, bored of waiting.

_**etc.pics** yoo kyley_

_**kyleyb** Hey!_

_**etc.pics** wassup dude_

_**kyleyb** Just got coffee. Waiting to meet someone._

Coffee shop date, Eric assumed. Cheesy, but good for him. Eric texted back with ‘cool’ and put the phone away in his pocket. It was almost 1:30. Where’s that Kyle guy? Eric sighed, slightly frustrated that he was waiting. Though, it wasn’t like he never kept someone waiting. A couple more minutes passed.

“Are you Eric Cartman?”

Eric turned at the voice- which was high and had an obvious nerdy tone to it. Standing before him was a young man, maybe his age. He was considerably short compared to Eric (who was actually very tall) and thin. He had a mess of curly, red hair that had been stuffed under a hat, a freckled face and very green eyes. 

“It’s Kyle Broflovski.” The ginger hastily took the to-go cup of coffee from his right hand with his left and went to shake Eric’s hand. It took a moment for the other to register this, but shook his potential roommate’s hand. His hand was warm, possibly from holding the coffee.

“You’re pretty late.” Eric told him, avoiding his naturally sarcastic tone while still making it relevant in his voice the best he could. 

Kyle almost frowned, but blew it off as a friendly scoff, “I could say the same. Sorry for making you wait, though. After 1:20 I grew a little impatient and got myself a coffee from the place next street over.”

“Don’t worry about it.” He motioned towards the door, “Wanna show me in or?” 

“Oh. Yeah. Of course.” Kyle lead him in and they walked up a flight of stairs. There was little to no talking on the walk up, mainly because neither of them wanted to talk to the other. Kyle saw Eric as a respectable enough person, but a slacker; and Eric saw Kyle as someone who was reasonable, but nagged. Both hoped this was simply first impression and getting to know each other would give them a better persona.

Eric came to an apartment was very minimal in furniture. The living room- the first thing you see- only contained a couch (very old, Eric could tell), coffee table, TV and bookshelf of books. The kitchen, basic appliances and a table with two chairs. 

“My room is the one at the end of the hall, the Master. I hope you don’t mind that. I mean, I was here first… Anyway, the first room to the left will be your bedroom and your bathroom is right across.”

Eric had been more or less listening. He’d spent most of the introduction looking around for himself. Kyle noticed this, but talked anyway, hoping he was one of those listening type people. Once he finished, Eric stood by the fridge, “You got any drinks?” 

“N-No alcoholic drinks if that’s what you’re saying…” He didn’t know why he jumped to that conclusion immediately, but it happened. Maybe Eric seemed like that kind of person.

“Dude, no. I meant like, you got soda? Or, even, grape juice or something.”

“Oh. Sorry. Yeah, I have Pepsi.”

“I’m a Coke person.” Eric said, ultimately not getting a drink. 

The two spoke for a while longer, mostly about confirmation and arrangements, move-in day and things of the like. Eric felt a certain disregard towards Kyle, feeling that them moving in together would lead to a number of sarcastic arguments. He figured it was worth it, though, seeing as the area had quite a few places looking for people to hire- mostly restaurants and small shops. Kyle, on the other hand, knew Eric would end up being the sort of roommate who stayed up late or did something stupid like leave a tiny bit of milk in the milk gallon just so someone else had to throw it away. But, he didn’t want to disappoint his mom upon finding out he _still_ hadn’t found a roommate. 

They said their goodbyes and Eric headed back down the steps alone. He hoped this would be one of his rare ‘good choices’ in the long run.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... yeah, they ultimately decided to be roommates.  
> Sorry this chapter is long aaa I just had a number of things to fit in. And also sorry my notes are long but who cares.  
> First of all, the instagram accounts I made up probably exist already but in this AU let's say they don't. Also: etc.pics = Eric Theodore Cartman Pictures. That took me like five minutes to come up with aha. I've noticed in a few episodes he has a thing about photography (albeit for all the wrong reasons but) so I figured it'd be a good hobby for him to have.  
> Secondly, with or without Kyle Coon and Friends would still have happened. Eric didn't need Kyle to be the Coon. Same with Kyle being Kyley-B. Growing up in New Jersey, he probably wasn't 100% the gangish Kyley-B from the show, but still had the nickname as he grew up there.  
> Lastly, we all know Eric is totally a Mountain Dew or Red Bull person, he's not playing us with the Coca-Cola crap.  
> Totally.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"i get it brah dont worry. my roommates basically a lil fuckboi"_

_**kyleyb** Hey! You start your new work today, right?_

_**etc.pics** yeah. i hope it doesn’t suck. howd you remember?_

_**kyleyb** My roommate starts his new job today, funny enough. Finally, he can make some money hah. I was worried he wasn’t going to pay his half of the rent._

_**etc.pics** give him some credit dude finding a job is hard. personal experience._

_**kyleyb** You’re right. Well, I’ll let you get to it. Have a great day!_

 

Kyle pressed the off button on his phone and looked at himself in the mirror one last time- habitually- before exiting his room, phone in hand. Thank god it was his day off, finally, which meant for once he could strut out of his room at 7:30am while still wearing pajamas. Not to mention, Eric had his first day at work today.

It’d been a week since they began their living together and Kyle wouldn’t call it Hell, but he certainly wouldn’t call it Heaven either. When he had no plans- and, as far as Kyle could tell, he rarely did- he sat at home all day either on the couch watching TV or in his room doing whatever it was he did. Kyle was _very_ glad the guy was finally going off to do something. 

The first sight he came to was Eric, still definitely in his pajamas, eating cereal at the kitchen table and reading the back of the box like a kid. It took Kyle a moment before he realized it was _his_ cereal.

“Eric, that’s mine.” He said passively. He had no problem with his roommate eating his cereal, in all honesty, but he could have at least asked. Eric looked up, still chewing. After a moment:

“Thanks for the good morning, I feel very loved.” His tone was sarcastic, similar to most conversations they had together. Eric knew full well that it was technically what Kyle had claimed as his food, but there was nothing better to eat- at least, in his opinion.

“That’s not the problem here. You’re eating _my_ cereal that _I_ bought. I thought we talked about food.”

“Free country. I’ll get you back, promise, dude.” Meaning, ‘I’ll just wait until you forget that this happened.’

Kyle frowned. The addition to Eric in his life meant a lot of routine changes around the apartment. More late night TV, fridge space taken up by fast food or soda, singing in the shower. It was nothing Kyle hadn’t already expected of a roommate, but he didn’t realize how mentally unprepared he was.

“Like I’d believe that. Just hurry up and go to work. Do something for once,” he added with a mutter, heading over to the counter. 

Eric snorted and mumbled under his breath, “Fuck you too, ginger boy.” Kyle turned back to his roommate with a discontent look on his face. For some reason, Eric had something against gingers- or maybe, Kyle specifically. 

“Hey, you don’t need to go calling me that, dude!” He didn’t quite raise his voice, but there was very clear irritation in it. Eric got up from the table without finishing his cereal and went to his room to change. It almost felt like an argument between a mother and her moody teenager, and he didn’t want to be apart of that. 

The brunette opened his dresser and pulled out a red button up shirt and khaki pants that had been neatly folded together. His new job, working as a sales associate in a local thrift store. It wasn’t really interesting for him personally, but it beat working in a fast food place; he didn’t have the patience to take orders. Plus, all he really had to do was sort and fold clothes, organize furniture and sometimes take the register. 

He donned his uniform and went back out to put on his shoes and whatnot. Kyle was still out there, looking through the fridge for something to eat. Eric scoffed as he passed him, to which Kyle rolled his eyes. 

Minutes passed and soon enough, Eric was leaving the apartment. The door shut behind him and he was greeted to the cold, silent hallway. As he walked out, he pulled his phone back out. 

 

_**kyleyb** You’re right. Well, I’ll let you get to it. Have a great day!_

_**etc.pics** sorry for the late reply. just left. thanks though :)_

 

Kyle picked up his phone, hearing the notification ring.

 

_**kyleyb** Probably good you didn’t text just now, my roommate was being such a dick!_

_**kyleyb** He’s a lazy fatass. I don’t really want to get into it since I’d be typing paragraphs, believe me._

_**etc.pics** i get it brah dont worry. my roommates basically a lil fuckboi _

_**kyleyb** Ugh, I hate those kind of people! Well, I should go. I’m gonna eat breakfast and shower. I hope things go smoothly with YOUR roommate later on. _

_**etc.pics** okay. thanks. _

 

Kyle put his phone down and turned to the table, where Eric had left out the cereal and bowl. The ginger sighed and cleaned it up, but only out of his need to have things be clean. If not for that, he would have left the mess out until Eric cleaned it up himself. 

He hoped Coon’s fuck boy of a roommate- as he’d so graciously put it- wasn’t as bad as his fatass of one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's only been a week and Eric's already established a relationship similar to their relationship in the show ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ It was gonna happen. They sort of just put up with each other because it's not like they haven't been called out or ripped on before. I mean, Eric grew up in South Park and Kyle in New Jersey.  
> Retail seemed a good job considering Eric doesn't want a job he has to dedicate all his time to and the fact that he never went to college. Also, since it's local things are pretty quiet during shifts.  
> By the way! If you were wondering, the story starts off in late Feburary/early March and since each chapter can be a couple days to weeks apart, I'd say it's like the end of March? Like, maybe the last week or so.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"He was put in the hospital but he did it, I swear. He legit lit his fart on fire.”_

It’d been a month. A month of petty arguing, cursing back and forth, name calling and putting up with shit. Kyle and Eric held no real hate for each other, but their attitudes toward one another were awful. Eric took Kyle’s anger as a joke and Kyle became angry when Eric joked. It was a cycle, essentially. However, grudges between the two were never long or too serious. Despite the amount of negativity between them, they were able to find at least one thing in common. 

“No way, dude, you’re shitting me. You can’t actually do that.” Kyle said in a flat tone, sitting on one end of the couch and watching TV. Terrance and Phillip: Asses of Fire.

“I’m so fucking seriously, it’s possible. My friend, Kenny, did it after we watched the movie for the first time when we were kids. He was put in the hospital but he did it, I swear. He legit lit his fart on fire.” 

“Liar.” Kyle scoffed, watching as Terrance and Phillip sang on the screen. Noticing that Eric was about to yell back, he quickly changed the subject, “I can’t believe I never watched this. It came out so long ago… and there are like, what, seven movies now?”

Eric, who sat on the opposite end of the couch, turned to his roommate, “Really? I thought you were a Terrance and Phillip fan.”

“I am! But only since, like, a year ago. My mom never let me watch them after she found out about the toilet humor and cursing.”

The brunette turned back to the screen, not quite talking to Kyle directly but meaning for him to hear, “Terrance and Phillip are the bomb, I was watching it when I was eight. Your mom must’ve been a bitch.” Eric knew absolutely nothing about Kyle’s mom- or his entire family- except that they were Jewish and existed. Naturally, he really had no right to call her that, but he felt he needed to stir up something. It was entertainment; not that Terrance and Phillip wasn’t, but he’d seen Asses of Fire at least a dozen times. 

“Fuck you, don’t call my mom a bitch.”

Off went the alarms. Soon enough, the boys were in a full-on argument and whether it was about Terrance and Phillip or Kyle’s mom being a bitch, neither could really tell. At this point, they’d just begun ripping on each other, calling names and insulting.

“What’s your problem, fatass?! You _always_ start shit like this!” Kyle stood in front of Eric, his hands on his hips and pacing as he spoke loudly.

“Your fault for letting me move in, Jew.” Eric rolled his eyes, still comfortably sitting on the couch. He really didn’t care to take what Kyle was telling him. His life had always been full of arguing with adult figures and getting constant lectures from all sorts of people- including friends. This was nothing new. 

Kyle stopped his pacing and turned to Eric with enmity in his eyes, “Then maybe you should get out! I’m so sick of you- always ripping on me and acting like it’s just a joke, never picking up your shit like you’re some sort of kid who can’t do anything for himself. I’m surprised your work hasn’t fired you yet, seeing as you’re such a slacker.”

The brunette didn’t respond. He stared blankly at his angered roommate- knowing the ginger was right in some ways. “Whatever.” He said quietly before getting up off the couch. Kyle moved out of the way, arms crossed, as Eric went to his room, shutting the door behind him. The ginger sighed, tired. He shut the TV off and went to his own room, shutting off the lights in the living room and kitchen.

 _This will blow over tomorrow_ , both thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of short chapter but the one before the previous was kinda long so /shrug :)  
> I know that in the canon storyline, Cartman is a kid who can put up with shit, especially when it's from Kyle. Well, first off, it's an AU haha. Second of all, he's a bit more mature and aware of his priorities and feelings due to the fact he's older and a lot of his adventures involving Kyle never happened (so a good number). Plus, him trying to be a better person even though he's lived his life as such a horrible one is kind of a sensitive topic. There'll always be the looming doubt of whether or not he believes he can really get his life together. Poor guy :')


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"sending each other bad puns and memes in the middle of the night"_

The next few days went by slowly. The two roommates avoided talking at first, but gradually turned back to their average routine- more or less. Eric, when not at work, spent a lot of his time in his room, texting people, or going out for photographs. Kyle found himself at ease with this- the apartment was often quiet. 

There were still little quarrels now and then, but it was safe to say neither of them wanted a full-blown argument; Kyle, for the sake of peace, and Eric for not wanting to be called out on again. He hated the feeling of being told he was a failure- as did most people. 

May was starting to roll around, and the weather began to warm. For a while, nothing especially interesting happened that didn’t usually happen. Kyle’s birthday would be happening soon, though he didn’t have plans to celebrate. After a certain age, his birthday had gone from cake and presents and super awesome places and parties to birthday wishes from online messages and maybe a nice dinner and dessert. He’d get presents at times, mostly from his family though. They were usually very practical things, like clothes, anyway.

Being away from home this time around, Kyle had no one to celebrate with in person. He never really interacted with his co-workers on a personal level and the only other person around was Eric- who he had absolutely no intention of getting involved with regarding his birthday. Maybe he’d just buy some ice cream, watch a movie and then, of course, video chat with his parents and Ike. 

Eric was walking home from work at this time. In a city, driving was a pain and he knew he didn’t have the patience for stupid drivers and traffic. Same went for cabs. Buses were gross and sometimes shady, in his opinion. Besides, it’s not like he had the willingness to spend money on gas or bus fare or cab drivers. 

Walking wasn’t bad. He had the chance to take some photos, if the day was right, and hang out. It’s not like he had much to do at the apartment anyway- he was limited to TV, eating, texting and/or sleeping, when he thought about his general routine. 

He took many pictures of old buildings by sidewalks, of cars and signs, of people on the street. He didn’t always intended on using the photos he took, but it was nice to have lots of pictures- just in case. The city’s park was a place Eric was fond of taking pictures of. There were a number of trees and plants waiting to have a photo taken. With it being in the middle of spring, a multitude of flowers bloomed, too, which led to many bugs and birds- fascinating things to take a picture of. 

However, today his enthusiasm for photographs was gone. He was tired, and wanted to get home. Because of this, the walk seemed longer than usual, mentally tiring him further. It was annoying, having those kinds of days. Eventually, he ended up at the front of his apartment building and, with a sigh, slowly went up the steps to his room. 

Kyle was on the couch, working on his laptop. Upon Eric’s entry, they greeted each other with glances. Eric had planned to say ‘hi’ at the very least, but it didn’t happen for some reason or another; instead he went to his room and shut the door behind him. The brunette was welcomed to his always-cold, clothes-on-the-floor messy, small room. He didn’t have many belongings that were important to him, but for some reason he was always able to find something- whether it be on a shelf or under the bed- he didn’t remember owning. He knew it wasn’t Kyle- as he would never come in his room- so as of now, Eric jokingly concluded it was a ghost.

He laid stomach flat on the end of his bed, tucking his feet under his pillows and putting his chin against the sheets. Entering the password into his phone (he thought the finger scan was pretty annoying), Eric opened the instagram app to see what Kyley had to say. This cyber friend of his had messaged earlier, on his walk home, but the brunette took it upon himself to not be a walk and text type of person seeing as he’d most likely run into something or someone. 

**_kyleyb_** Wait, do you live in Colorado?

**etc.pics** why??

**kyleyb** That picture you took of that green bench with the gold plate dedicated to the one lady surrounded by those trees with the purplish-red leaves, right? That’s from the park in the city I live in! I’m pretty sure it is, in any case.

Eric looked up from his phone, his face almost in shock. He had taken that picture and uploaded it yesterday, but didn’t think anyone would recognize that specific bench from that specific park. Was this guy serious? 

_**etc.pics** youre shitting me_

_**kyleyb** No, seriously! I walk by the park whenever I go out for coffee._

_**etc.pics** dude thats epic!! what were the odds_

_**kyleyb** We should totally meet up sometime! I mean, I’d expect with our proximity to each other that’d be the most obvious thing to do considering the amount we talk to each other._

_**etc.pics** you sound like a nerd ;9 but yeah, we should. itd be nice to finally see your face_

_**etc.pics** ;)_

_**kyleyb** Heh, you too. And what’s that wink for? You planning something?_

Over the time they’d known each other, Kyley and Coon had set up a very obvious warm regard towards each other, which stemmed from compliments, relating to hating their roommates and sending each other bad puns and memes in the middle of the night (the latter was more of Eric’s thing). They weren’t set on sending kissy faces and heart emoticons and didn’t plan to ever, but they definitely understood they were a bit more than friends in some aspect. Both were very open about this understanding. Before Eric could respond:

_**kyleyb** Oh! Speaking of plans!_

_**kyleyb** I just had a really great idea! _

_**etc.pics** fire away homeslice_

_**kyleyb** Well, my birthday is going to be in like two weeks. We should meet then! That’d honestly be the best gift ever. _

_**etc.pics** im sure youve got some like drinking buddies dont you?? i would hate to mess that up_

_**kyleyb** Drinking buddies? Nah. I rarely drink alcohol. Last time I did was last New Year’s Eve and I honestly don’t remember what happened. _

_**kyleyb** Also my mom was pretty pissed about it when it happened, she gets worried pretty easily. _

_**kyleyb** Either way, we should do this! I mean, I seriously had nothing exciting planned._

_**etc.pics** ha ha youre a lightweight. but yeah, lets talk about meeting up later. im gonna get something to eat._

_**kyleyb** Okay. Talk to you later!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the inconsistency in updates :p I always tell myself to do something like post every other day but it just turns into post maybe two chapters every few days. I dunno. I mean, for every chapter I've posted I've been one or two chapters ahead (the story IS mostly written and finished at this point though).  
> Anyway, it's gonna be Kyle's birthday :) Originally, it was gonna happen on Eric's, but between them meeting and July was way too much time and I didn't want the story to drag on; I also didn't want to skip more than a week or so since lots of things can happen in that time that could be relevant regarding Coon and Kyley ;)   
> By the way, the thing about the tree: I actually researched about trees in Colorado and the one Kyley is talking about in their conversation is called something- Plum or Plum-something, I can't remember :'')  
> And, lastly, to clarify more, Coon and Kyley aren't dating or anything, but they both know they're pretty compatible as far as they're concerned. Only reason they're not "dating" is because they don't even know each other's names like c'mon.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"love is its own thing and you should just let it happen."_

**etc.pics to The Gang Bang:**

**etc.pics** scored a date loseerrsss

**stan_marsh** Uhhm you realize we’re ALL romantically involved already

**risquenny** dude i’m involved way more than romantically

**risquenny** ;)))

**stan_marsh** Really

**butterscotch** kenny!! ./////. 

**riquenny** sorry, b. love youuuuu

**etc.pics** hEY remember this is about me???

**stan_marsh** Who’d you get a date with?

**risquenny** better question might be HOW lmao

**butterscotch** Aww that’s so mean :’D

**etc.pics** screw you guys i got a date easy peasy

**risquenny** AHAa for a sec I thought you wrote easy pussy

**stan_marsh** Typical lol. But speaking of pussy, WHO did you get a date with?!

**etc.pics** calm your tits stan first off dont go thinking pussy 

**etc.pics** cus he straight up got a dick get over it

**etc.pics** secondly i dont know his real name but he goes by kyley and hes super cool

**butterscotch** How are you gonna be dating someone if you don’t know their even name?

**stan_marsh** was about to say the same. Also, didn’t know you liked guys.

**risquenny** eric now you can join gay club with me and butters :00

**etc.pics** haha maybe i will. 

**etc.pics** on another note i never really cared if they had a dick or tits or both?? i guess.

**etc.pics** like dude as long as they arent treating me like a fucktard or pissing me off than they have a shot you know. love is its own thing and you should just let it happen. besides its not a date date 

**etc.pics** also it doesnt even matter if i know his real name. were just going out because his birthday is coming up and we happen to live in the same area

**butterscotch** aw that’s real nice Eric. 

**stan_marsh** Butters is right, it’s super cool you gotta date. Happy for you :)

**risquenny** same here. i mean, you’re an asshole but for someone to like you that much he must be a real dick ;)))

**etc.pics** jfc kenny everytime

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little in-between thing I was thinking about. It wasn't part of my original plan, but I felt some conversations between more than just Eric/Kyle and Kyley/Coon would be nice  
> Risque + Kenny = risquenny ;) 
> 
> Also, The Gang Bang is seriously the name of one of my instagram group chats haha


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"Sorry I left your precious-ass grapes on the counter."_

Two weeks couldn’t pass by soon enough. Coon and Kyley would talk to each other almost every day, coordinating plans within only a few minutes but still talking it over. Both of them were pretty happy to be meeting each other. Somehow, they felt the ‘big reveal’ would be funny, like they’d been passing each other by in the park this whole time, noticing each other but never speaking. Something like that- something hilarious and nice. 

As those two spoke online, things around the apartment seemed to grow a lighter atmosphere. Eric and Kyle never argued too much anymore, both busied with talking to their respective online friend. They were less bothered by things that would usually give cause to an argument; this was mainly due to the fact they had someone to flush out their feelings to when necessary. 

It was a mere two days until Kyle’s birthday. He was on break at the moment, eating his lunch. Though, he ate slowly due to the distraction which was only called reading through texts. 

_**etc.pics** so where do you wanna meet?_

_**kyleyb** Well, I guess we could meet up in one place and then decide from there? How about the coffee shop? The little one across the park, you know what I’m talking about?_

_**etc.pics** yeah i gotcha. what time?_

_**kyleyb** I’m working until late in the afternoon, so maybe early in the evening? Like, 5pm?_

_**etc.pics** damn you got it all worked out. thats cool though, im free at that time. what kinda coffee you drink?_

_**kyleyb** Why do you ask?_

_**etc.pics** ill get you a coffee when i get there_

_**kyleyb** What makes you think you’ll be there first?_

_**etc.pics** i will, trust me ;)_

_**kyleyb** You’re on! (By the way, I drink my coffee plain, don’t worry about getting anything fancy :) )_

_**etc.pics** challenge accepted  >:)) _

Kyle put his phone down, realizing it was time to get back to work. He didn’t notice the small smile on his face as he cleaned up his lunch. Coon was maybe too nice to him, but the ginger enjoyed the feeling whenever he talked with his online friend. He was usually very cautious about the strangers he spoke to- thanks to years of lectures on harassment and stalkers- but it’d been over a month since he’d met Coon and they happened to live in the same area. 

After the break, the rest of the work day passed slowly. Kyle came home that evening to Eric on the couch, working on eating a microwave dinner and watching whatever was on TV- Kyle couldn’t tell. 

“Hi.” Kyle said flatly; this was simply out of habit of greeting, he didn’t intend to carry on a conversation. Eric looked at him and, mouth full of food, responded with “Mm.”

The ginger set his key to the apartment down in the same place he always did day after day, the coffee table, and headed for the kitchen to eat. Unlike his roommate, he wasn’t prone to eating in front of a TV, and liked spending meal times thinking, considering it was a time he could have for himself. Besides, he didn’t really like the idea of eating by Eric.

The first thing he noticed in the kitchen was the grapes- his grapes- on the counter. Kyle glanced in Eric’s direction through the opening in the wall that gave a view of the living room from the kitchen (and vice versa). He could only see the TV screen and the back of his roommate's head. 

“Don’t eat my food dude.” He had an assertive tone of voice, but sighed, “I mean, if you’re gonna at least put them back. I can’t eat them if bugs get to them.”

The brunette turned his head to face Kyle, “Well, hell no you can’t eat it if bugs got on it, just wash it off and don’t cry about it. Sorry I left your precious-ass grapes on the counter.” Eric meant this apology, but not too sincerely. His voice was still highly sarcastic, however.

Kyle grumbled, putting the grapes back in the fridge, but not before inspecting for ants or other bugs, and then running it the fruit under the sink for good measure. Not only was this for religious purposes, but who wanted to eat fruit that had bugs on it anyway?

Watching this happen, Eric scoffed, turning back to the TV, not responding. 

The other rolled his eyes and turned away as well. After a minute of lazily looking for something to eat, he concluded he was never actually hungry to begin with- which happened often when he was irritated. After a long, thought-filled shower and change into pajamas, Kyle crawled into bed and grabbed the book he’d been working on for sometime. He could still hear the TV playing, and guessed Eric would probably fall asleep on the couch. Wouldn’t be the first time.

After reading for a while, Kyle shut off the light and went to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg Kyle eat some dinner. :0  
> So, as you can see, despite there being fewer arguements between Eric and Kyle the guys still get in petty conversations every now and then- even though Coon and Kyley are pretty flirty haha. Also, the bug thing and the fruit is a real thing- I had to double check myself at first haha. Also, seriously, bugs in food is gross I hate when my siblings leave food out on the counter- I swear they do it on purpose.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"He considered going out to watch TV until 7am, but Kyle would hear it and god knows how pissy he’d get"_

It was 4am. At this time, usually, Eric would be fast asleep, taking in the next three hours of precious sleep before he had to wake up and get ready for work. Unfortunately, his internal clock had decided to betray him out of excitement for what was coming. And, perhaps, that two hour nap he accidentally set himself up for yesterday afternoon. 

Today was Kyley’s birthday. Since four hours ago, that is. If he was this excited, he couldn’t imagine how happy his online friend was. 

Kyle, however, was fast asleep, his unconscious mind barely even aware it was 4am- much less his birthday. 

Eric thought of texting him, but very quickly realized no one was up at 4am, readily and happily awaiting birthday wishes. The brunette was determined to be the first to say it though. Maybe at 6am. He could wait until then. 

There was no chance of him getting back to bed and getting a nice three hours more of sleep, so he didn’t even bother. He laid in the dark quietly, staring at nothing. He’d shift to his side once in awhile, not like it made things worse or better. It was just black. He considered going out to watch TV until 7am, but Kyle would hear it and god knows how pissy he’d get, especially since he had work. Basically anything that involved him leaving the room would wake up Kyle.

Work. Eric sighed to himself. He _knew_ he too had it today, but with the knowledge that he’d meet Kyley this evening, the day would go by at an unbearably slow rate. At this point, he knew how things went all too well.

Eventually, the time came around when the sun began to rise and it was time for Eric to get up. It’d gone by quickly, he thought, so either he’d fallen back asleep without realizing it or had gotten way too deep into his own musings. Both were entirely possible. 

He got out of bed and went to his dresser and pulled out his shirt and khakis like always. After changing, he took his phone from his nightstand and opened up Instagram, then his chat with Kyley. 

_**etc.pics** happy birthday!! _

There was no immediate response, which Eric understood since it was still early. It wasn’t until he was eating breakfast, about 15 minutes later, that he got a response.

_**kyleyb** You’re up kinda early. Thanks though!_

_**etc.pics** well i wanted to be the first person to wish you happy birthday brah. did i win?_

_**kyleyb** Sure did haha. So you woke up early just to say that?_

_**etc.pics** that and i have work today for 7 hours hhuhh_

_**kyleyb** I would have guessed. Ughhh I wish I didn’t have to work today. _

_**etc.pics** doesnt everybody tho_

Kyle came out of his bedroom a few minutes later, dressed for work- basically ready to go, looking down at his phone with a stupid, giddy smile. Unlike Eric, he was pretty awful at keeping excitement contained. They ignored each other as Kyle passed by to the fridge for breakfast.

There was a moment of silence in the whole apartment as they did this, until Eric got up from the table, his chair squeaking as it slid back against the floor. He headed into the restroom to piss and brush his teeth before leaving. Kyle sat alone at the kitchen table, eating his cereal and texting with one thumb.

_**kyleyb** You’re not wrong._

_**kyleyb** I can’t wait for the day to go by, though, I’m excited to finally *actually* meet you. Might just be the best birthday ever._

_**etc.pics** same dude :)_

Eric hit send and then spit into the sink. Texting while performing tasks- like brushing his teeth- was something he absolutely mastered. Or, he liked to think he did in any case. It was a give and take situation. 

He wiped his mouth using a washcloth hanging by the sink and exited the bathroom. Before completely leaving, the brunette grabbed his keys to the apartment from his dresser. Kyle bade him goodbye like he did every work day and then, he left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Kyle/Kyley's birthday is going to be stretched out over the final chapters. I'll be honest, not including this chapter there are three left :0   
> One of which is relatively long but still :)  
> I think this chapter is kind of choppy, but I needed to write about how Coon wanted to be the first to wish Kyley Happy Birthday and how Kyle and Eric had work, stuff like that ^^


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"It definitely wasn’t lavish, but more like ‘the laundry hasn’t been done in a week.’"_

It was the end of the work day. _Finally._

Kyle sighed happily, opening the apartment door. It was oddly quiet, which was unusual. Eric was always home at least 15 minutes earlier than him on days they both worked, TV blaring loudly or music playing. Kyle simply assumed he was out taking photographs like he knew his roommate did so many times. Either this, or he was staying overtime. On a normal day, Eric was out of work by 3pm the earliest and spent time walking home and taking pictures, which was altogether an hour or so. Kyle was always home by 4:30. 

His wondering wasn’t for very long, as he was supposed to be meeting with Coon very soon and that took priority. He looked pretty shitty. At least, not good enough for a first impression. He was wearing a black polo- his company logo in clear, white letters by his chest- and slightly wrinkled grey pants. This was fine in the way of meeting a close friend casually, in that case he didn’t care what he wore, but he felt that he needed to wear something at least relatively nice. 

This was a quick fix, and soon Kyle was changed. It _definitely_ wasn’t lavish, but more like ‘the laundry hasn’t been done in a week.’ He sighed, making a mental note to get on that as soon as possible.

Colorado always had a somewhat low temperature compared to other places, even in the summer, in the city Kyle lived in, the high would be 80 degrees on some days. Even then, the low could be 40. So, he wore an old, dull orange vest- that had a broken zipper- and a grey, long sleeved shirt underneath. That could look stylish, couldn’t it? He slipped on a pair of jeans and glanced in the mirror.

His hair was a wreck. When was it not, actually? Since he was a kid, it was nothing but a mess of curls and tangles. He never knew what to do about it and the easiest solution was a hat, usually. And, in this case, a hat it was. Kyle had left a lot of his hats at home, but luckily brought his more favorite ones with him. A minute of stuffing hair under a faded green hat with earflaps and fur lining and he was ready to go. 

When he was about to leave, he heard his phone make the alert noise from inside his pants pocket and pulled it out. Coon had sent a text and a photo.

_**etc.pics** guess whattt ;)_

The rhetorical question was followed by a nice image of two cups of coffee. Kyle smiled, making his way down the steps and out of the apartment. 

_**etc.pics** told you id beat you_

_**kyleyb** That you did. I’m on my way now :)_

_**etc.pics** phew good to know. i thought you might be that weird old guy whos been sitting at the other table waiting for something_

_**etc.pics** or that teenager whos been chilling by himself over there he looked down at his phone when i sent the first text so i was like shit_

_**etc.pics** wish i was kidding, i actually considered that_

_**kyleyb** Haha. Pretty sure I’m neither of those. I’ll be there in like ten minutes though don’t worry!_

Eric put his phone down and waited patiently. Ten minutes dragged by very slowly. In that time, three people had walked in: a lady who looked about ready for a workout- with her earbuds in and tight knee length pants, a man with a really scraggly beard and what Eric would assume was his girlfriend or wife. It was annoying, mostly because a bell on the door would jingle every time someone opened it, which got his hopes up too much. 

The coffee shop was warm and relatively small, which was to be expected of a local place. Other than those people who’d walked in (and soon happily walked out with cups of coffee), there wasn’t really anyone around, save for the old guy, the teenager and the lady at the counter. Soft music played from a speaker off somewhere. The brunette sat at a tiny table meant for two people with his elbows on it and chin in palms.

He didn’t know how long he was sitting there, thinking. It could have been a minute, it could have been more. He didn’t really know. He was busy thinking about finally meeting Kyley in person- what he looked like, how he sounded. These were important things. Really, it didn’t matter what he looked or sounded like considering how well they got along. This thought made Eric happy.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, the door’s bell rang again. Eric, who’d been staring off into space, looked up and saw a very familiar face walk in. 

 

\---

 

Kyle scanned the quiet coffee shop, looking for the guy who could be Coon. His eyes stopped when he saw Eric near the back. He didn’t pay attention to the fact that he had two coffee cups or the surprise on his face, at first, he was just curious as to why he was there. The ginger walked over.

“What are you doing here?” He asked, mostly confused and not so much aggravated despite being annoyed to have run into his roommate now of all times.

“None of your damn business,” Eric, also curious, responded with his voice at a low level as to not attract any attention, “so get out. I was here first.” 

“No way, I’m waiting for a date, asshole, and I’m not gonna let you ruin that for me.”

“Well, I’m waiting for someone too. Tell your little girlfriend to meet you somewhere else.” His tone was almost condescending. 

There was a very clear tension between the two, and the only three other people began to notice. The lady at the counter decided she didn’t want to get involved, let alone know what was going on, and headed into the back room. The older man, who’d only been idly reading a newspaper, got up and left. The teen simply ignored what was going on, he had earbuds in. 

“C’mon,” Kyle pleaded angrily, “look, it’s my birthday, fatass. I told my date I’d meet him here. I just came over to see why _you_ were here with your two fucking cups of coffee, sitting around like it’s-” He paused after the realization of observing the situation.

Eric did the same, except processed it much quicker than Kyle did. He suddenly felt chagrin. It hit him like a freight train, like a punch to the face. It was almost like having your heart broken, except there was never any heart in it to begin with. He stood up, leaving the coffee on the table and left the shop. Just like that. He had no words and couldn’t muddle any other thoughts.

Kyle, on the other hand, stood there, not even turning to watch Eric leave. He picked up one of the coffee cups, muttering, “No fucking way.” His thoughts then flooded his brain at once, the consideration that Eric knew all along- though he couldn’t have, the thought that this was some awful mistake and that there was a chance they both had dates who had birthdays. Essentially, his brain gave the situation the most unlikely solutions to whatever the hell was going on.

The ginger boy, head aching with thought, left the coffee shop. It was already chilly, but the breeze had picked up and it felt colder than it really was. He searched the sidewalk to see if Eric, maybe, was still around but, as it were, he was not. They needed to talk. Sort things out. Establish something. Anything. Anything needed to happen. He pulled out his phone. Instagram might not have been an appropriate way to talk this out, texting in general wasn’t, but it wasn’t like Kyle had Eric’s number. He never needed it much less want it. 

_**kyleyb** Eric, where are you?_

_**kyleyb** I’m so fucking confused. Just come back to the coffee shop._

Kyle saw the light grey text underneath his message that said “Read,” but there was no response. He sighed with frustration, turning the phone off and stuffing it back into his pocket. There weren’t many places Eric could be. The best place to look was the apartment. 

He found himself almost running- well, pushing through people at a quick pace- back to their apartment building. When he opened the door, breathing heavily from darting up the stairs, it was cold and silent. Almost parallel to the way it was everyday before Eric moved in. It felt kind of wrong. He went through all the rooms and afterwards pulled his phone out again, almost dropping it with the sheer pace and haste he had.

_**kyleyb** Eric _

_**kyleyb** We don’t even need to talk in person. Just answer me._

_**kyleyb** Please._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoop there it is
> 
> So, hooboy, long chapter.  
> I divided it into two parts but not two seperate chapters because they were long enough to be their own chapters, but wouldn't make much sense for them to be since they're both events that happen at once? I don't know if that makes sense?  
> Anyway, just a couple more chapters, the poor babes ;;


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"You would know, seeing as you two are so lovey dovey all Kyley and Coon sitting in a tree like what the hell"_

_**risquenny** how’s the date goingggg ;)))_

_**stan_marsh** Kenny, you gotta wait until tomorrow to ask how it went what if they’re having a moment_

_**etc.pic** s It’s fine. It didn’t work out. _

_**stan_marsh** What do you mean?_

_**etc.pics** It just didn’t work out. _

Stan, or Kenny- whoever it was- responded, but Eric had already put his phone away. He sighed, putting his head against a brick wall. This was his spot. The roof of the apartment building. He came up here sometimes, mostly on his days off when he was especially bored or to get a good picture, or to video chat with Stan and Kenny and Butters when Kyle was around. Right now it was a place for thinking. He sat by the brick around the door to the stairs that led into the roof. The wind was picking up, especially there, but he didn’t really care about the cold.

Much like Kyle, he’d considered that this was some sort of trick, that the ginger knew all along. But it was farfetched and he knew someone like Kyle was pretty bad at keeping secrets. He sighed heavily, his emotions weighing him down way more than he wanted them to. This was shitty. He thought that, for once, something good in his life was going to happen; but then his roommate had to come along and fuck it up. Again. Maybe some god was playing a dirty trick on him. Probably was the case, seeing as it always seemed to be so. 

Kyle’s phone vibrated. He took it out quickly, hoping more than anything Eric responded. To his confusion, he saw:

_**stan_marsh** What the hell did you do to my friend I swear to god_

Kyle responded, angry.

_**kyleyb** Who the fuck are you? Why are you texting me?_

_**stan_marsh** Oh, like we wouldn’t be able to find you. All Eric ever did was talk about you and now he tells us something went wrong and won’t say why._

_**stan_marsh** So tell me what the fuck you did_

_**kyleyb** You’re Eric’s friend? Did he tell you where he was? I didn’t do anything, I swear._

_**stan_marsh** Where else would he be? You would know, seeing as you two are so lovey dovey all Kyley and Coon sitting in a tree like what the hell_

_**kyleyb** I don’t! I honestly have no idea where he is. Please. I need to talk to him. He won’t answer me and he’s not at the apartment.._

_**kyleyb** We were supposed to meet up on, like, a blind date for my birthday and then we found out _

_**kyleyb** I’’m Eric’s roommate Kyle. You know, the guy he moved in with. _

_**stan_marsh** Oh._

_**stan_marsh** Damn._

_**stan_marsh** Sorry. _

_**stan_marsh** He’s on the roof, probably. He goes up there for pictures all the time. I guess he wouldn’t tell his roommate that. _

As if he’d been holding his breath the whole time, Kyle let out a huge sigh. Maybe one of relief. He thanked Eric’s friend- who seemed like a very protective person- and ran out of the apartment and up the stairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter to go!  
> Oh boy  
> I might post it later today or tomorrow depending on my patience... I've been waiting to wrap this up for so long :0
> 
> I would have mentioned Eric's roof spot earlier in the story, but it was never really something to bring up naturally. Sorry the "he always goes to the roof" thing is happening kind of conveniently but at least I can recognize it   
>  ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯   
> And, I know there wasn't a LOT of stuff between Eric, Stan, Kenny and Butters but they did talk a lot. I mean, Eric had to do _something_ in his free time. He talked pretty highly about Kyley and shit about Kyle so Stan was able to understand the situation pretty well. Also, finding Kyley's instagram was really easy for Stan since that's really all Eric talked about :)
> 
> Speaking of Stan, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I love that I saved this chapter for today since Stan plays a big role in it ^^ Glad I didn't post it yesterday. Can't wait to post some art on dA and stuff about him :0


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"We’re Kyle and Eric, the pricks for roommates. But we’re also Kyley and Coon, the nicest people you’ll probably ever meet."_

The sun was setting. The growing night had brought colder air and little light. Eric was still in the same spot, same position. His ears were numb and he felt like falling asleep. It didn’t even matter if he was outside. He was too used to sleeping his problems off, which never really helped in the long run. 

Suddenly, the old metal door- the only thing standing between the apartment roof and its inside- swung open with a slow, loud creek that made Eric flinch for only a moment. Then, he saw Kyle step from behind it. Great. As soon as this happened, he turned, pretending his roommate wasn’t even there to begin with.

Kyle saw him almost immediately- he was hard to miss. He hesitated, not really sure what to do; he hadn’t planned ahead. Instinctively, he took a seat next to Eric and, whether the brunette was listening or not, began to talk. 

“I left our coffee at the coffeehouse. Sorry I made you pay for it. I didn’t realize…” He trailed off, realizing that was the shittiest way to start talking something over. A deep breath and:

“You know, this was gonna be the best birthday ever and now… well now it’s kind of funny. And confusing. And angering. A whole bunch of things.” He spoke softly, laughing a bit at the last sentence, “I don’t really know what to talk about. I want to talk it over but I don’t know how. Sorry. Are you… are you okay?”

“I’m disappointed.” Eric muttered, still refusing to look at Kyle.

“Is it because of me? Because the guy you thought was some really sweet and cool person turned out to be your shitty ass roommate? You’re not the only one, you’re just as shitty as-”

“No, not that. I’m disappointed in myself.” He sighed, giving in to the conversation, “I should have known something weird or fucked up was going to happen. That’s how my entire life has gone and I just need to face that fact.”

Kyle thought about Eric’s words. He knew Coon as a happy, likeable person and Eric as one who couldn’t do shit if it meant his life. Never would he think to hear Eric say this about himself; never would he think to have a real conversation with Eric, for that matter.

After a moment, “Well guess what? We’re Kyle and Eric, the pricks for roommates. But we’re also Kyley and Coon, the nicest people you’ll probably ever meet. Whichever one we choose to be, we’ll always be the other, and you know what? That’s okay. I don’t care if you hate _Kyle_ , but I know damn well you like _Kyley_ ; and even though I am Kyle, I’m also Kyley and I _love_ Coon.” He wasn’t entirely sure if what came out of his mouth made sense to Eric, much less him, but it meant something important. Something he was passionate about.

There was silence up until Eric broke it with a snort, whispering the word “fag” between chuckles. It was just like Kyle to say something do gushy and cheesy. But it was also like Kyley to do the same. Eric looked over at his roommate with a content look on his face, “Well, then, I suppose that even though you hate Eric and Eric hates you, I know for sure you _looove_ Coon." He almost teased, "And," a wistful sigh, "I _suppose_ I really, _really_ like Kyley.”

At that moment, Kyle couldn’t be angry with the brunette for calling him a fag. There was something entertaining and calming about the situation. There shouldn’t have been, but there it was. He smiled back. Soon, they were laughing together like a pair of stoners who’d just smoked a joint and were watching fail videos at 3am. Kyle soon found his breath, but not before reaching the point of stomach pains and silent laughing. He looked up at Eric.

“So, did you mean it that one time you called me a fuck boy?”

Eric threw his arm over Kyle’s shoulders, his face a corny smirk and eyebrow raised like a stereotypical news reporter “Oh, definitely. I also meant all those winky faces, though, don’t get me wrong.” he replied with a wink, sarcasm evident.

“Well, then, I meant it when I said you were a dick.” Kyle taunted back with a smile, leaning into Eric, “And I _guess_ I meant all those compliments too.” He almost laughed. They watched as the streetlights turned on and the sun officially faded away. All was quiet between them as they thought about how things would go in the near future. Things were going to be odd from now on, being stuck in an infinite love-hate relationship loop. That was okay. 

Kyle exhaled, “I still hate the fact that you leave crumbs on the couch when you eat. Fatass.”

“Fucking Jew, I still hate that you complained about grapes.” He responded with a smile. 

 

So, maybe it was the best birthday ever and maybe having a roommate wasn’t a total pain. After all, he made a sweet-ass boyfriend.

 

-The End-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ta-da!  
> My first (posted) fanfiction!  
> Yeah, the ending was kind of cheesy, but ain't that just the way? I hope those two have a great rest of their life ;)
> 
> I really hope you all enjoyed this piece, especially you Kyman fans haha- I know recent episodes literally has the Kyman part of the fanbase in tears trust me. Thanks for all the comments, kudos and views; it meant a lot to be supported ^^ It's made me a lot more confident about my writing (I'm more of an artist, I'm probably as amateur as they come at writing :0 )  
> Since this is my first piece, let me know your thoughts and if you have any suggestions for further stories! I have an idea for a story now, but currently it's still in brainstorming. :p I also take requests!
> 
> Again, thank you guys for reading.


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